A Brief Rainstorm (Akanishi/Nakamaru)

[digitalized]

A Brief Rainstorm
Akanishi Jin/Nakamaru Yuuichi

A Brief Rainstorm
(Johnny's Entertainment, Akanishi/Nakamaru)

- - - - - - - - - -

They were having a good date. A perfect date, actually - Akanishi had offered to take him to a high class French restaurant, and insisted on paying for both of them when Nakamaru took out his wallet. Then on a whim Akanishi decided on a walk inside a nearby temple, which surprisingly turned out peacefully. At one point, there wasn't anyone around them at all, and Akanishi went as bold as to hold his hand.

Okay, so he may have blushed and brushed it off, but it was still one of the best dates they've went on. The only date that even came close was their Disney trip, and that was because Disneyland itself provided good entertainment.

Maybe because it was going so perfectly, Nakamaru should have suspected something from the beginning. But he was so genuinely giddy about everything that even his suspicious nature was pushed down until Akanishi stopped his car right in front of Nakamaru's house, smiled, then told him that it was time they broke up.

Nakamaru always knew this day was coming, so it was hardly surprising that Akanishi decided to close things up. Nothing could tie Akanishi up, that was much always clear, and Nakamaru knew that Akanishi would one day figure that having a slightly but not much above average looking boyfriend who also happened to be his bandmate was just too much trouble. That was, after all, why he made a pact with Akanishi, promising each other that whenever one of them wanted to end this relationship, the other would respect the decision.

Still, just expecting it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt right then. Nakamaru bit into his pillow, knowing he'd regret it later but not caring if he hurt the fabric because Akanishi Jin, voted sexiest man of the year and famous idol and popstar, just broke up with him. He's allowed to break down a little.


- - - - - - - - - -

They had work the next day, their usual weekly meeting to keep up to date with what each of their members are doing. Even though weekly usually turns to monthly when their solo projects take up too much time, that week their schedules were quite empty and every one of them was required to show up.

Nakamaru washed his face in the morning, realizing his eyes looked slightly swollen at the time and hoped that the rest of his teammates wouldn't find out. He walked to the door with a smile, bade goodbye to his mother, and it was like the world started rotating once more.

He'd have to see Akanishi, but he's alright. Deep down, it doesn't really hurt as much as he had thought he would. Maybe it was because he had been thinking so much about after their relationship that having it actually end doesn't change much.

But then, of course, everything went downhill when he closed up to their meeting room and heard Kamenashi shouting, "You told me you wouldn't hurt him!"

A shuffle came from another side the room, then Akanishi said distastefully, "I didn't."

Nakamaru pushed open the door, only to see the two staring up at each other. He took a deep breath, then heaved it all out in one sigh. Nakamaru had been expecting all kinds of circumstances, from having to suffer from Akanishi gazing lovingly into Yamashita-kun's eyes (okay, maybe that one went a little too far) to them not being able to stay in the same room, but he hadn't expected Kamenashi to be shouting at Akanishi first thing in the morning. Especially considering how Nakamaru hadn't told anyone they'd broken up yet, and Akanishi wasn't likely to provide that information.

"You're talking about me," he pointed out.

Kamenashi glared at Akanishi, "Say something!" he demanded.

Akanishi merely kept a stoic look on his face. Nakamaru wondered if fighting with Kamenashi really gave Akanishi such a bad mood, because till the day before Akanishi was in a great mood. Sure, the last time Kamenashi and Akanishi fought, things went rather badly and they never truly made up until Akanishi came back from L.A., but that never had anything to do with Nakamaru.

Nakamaru faked a laugh, knowing he probably sounded as tired as he felt. "I'm not that fragile, am I?" he said.

"He...yesterday, he..." Kamenashi stuttered, but couldn't finish the sentence.

Nakamaru wondered if Kamenashi was trying to protect his dignity, or virtue, or something. It was a kind thought, but it really wasn't necessary.

"He probably went to some night club, or went out with a girl, or gazed lovingly into Yamapi's eyes-" Oops, he hadn't meant to say that last one out. Nakamaru winced, "-That is what you're arguing about, right?"

"You don't care that he cheated on you?" Kamenashi fumed.

Nakamaru could practically see the flame surrounding Kamenashi. Half of him was glad that one of his bandmate cared this much about him; the other part of him sighed at having to explain the situation.

"He didn't," Nakamaru said. "It was a mutual agreement - we always promised each other that the moment one of us decides to end it, the other would respect the decision."

"So he-" Kamenashi glared at Akanishi once more before turning back to Nakamaru, "-ended it?"

"Well, yeah," Nakamaru answered, not sure if he was supposed to say anything else.

"Let me talk to him alone," Kamenashi said. Something about his tone sounded dangerous, and if Nakamaru doesn't stop this soon, things could turn ugly.

Nakamaru puts himself between Kamenashi and Akanishi, facing Kamenashi. Even with his back to Akanishi, he could easily imagine the repellent look Akanishi probably wore. Why does he always have to be the pathetic one? He sighed, "Kame, it's alright. I'm fine, so is Akanishi."

Probably. He couldn't really ask Akanishi right then.

He heard footsteps behind him, and when he turned around, Akanishi was already halfway out the door. Nakamaru almost said the guy's name, but stopped himself at the last moment, knowing it'd do no good for him to talk to Akanishi. They needed time apart.

He repeated that to himself when Akanishi slammed the door behind him, in hope that he would actually believe it.

A weight touched his shoulder, a reassuring touch from Kamenashi. "You will tell me if he does anything to you?"

Nakamaru tried a smile again, and maybe it fooled Kamenashi, because the other visibly relaxed a little. It's so much easier to fool others, he thought when he said, "We're just friends now."

Though from Akanishi's expression, maybe they're not even friends. Nakamaru looked up to the ceiling, wondering what happened between today and yesterday that could make everything so different. Does happiness really never last, he asked silently.

Akanishi never returned to the studio that day. Nakamaru made up a feeble excuse for him, and he sort of suspects that the only reason no one asks further questions is because they can all see how terrible his state was. From Kamenashi's disturbed look, Nakamaru guessed everyone would know everything by the next day. It wasn't like it could really be kept a secret.


- - - - - - - - - -

Nakamaru pressed himself against the corridor, trying to avoid being seen by Kamenashi. Ever since his break-up with Akanishi, Kamenashi kept trying to console him about it, even when Nakamaru honestly doesn't need it. Sure, he may have accidentally bought a Myojo magazine two days ago when he saw Akanishi on the cover, but that was mostly because the issue also had an exclusive KinKi Kids interview.

After a while, Nakamaru realized that it's easier to just avoid Kamenashi and feign ignorance when he has to confront the guy. From Kamenashi's insistance, Nakamaru would have thought that it was Kamenashi that had a heart break.

If it were anyone else, it might even be that the person was interested in Nakamaru. But this was Kamenashi, who he'd known for eight years and worked with for just as much. Kamenashi, who could have anyone he wanted, who Nakamaru's sure never gone for another guy. This was Kamenashi, who's kinder than most people judge him to be, who's as much a gentlemen as he's a popular idol.

Nakamaru sighed with relief when Kamenashi passed by without noticing him, and when someone tapped him on the shoulder, he jumped in surprise.

"Whoa, calm down!" Taguchi said from behind him.

"Sorry," Nakamaru said genuinely, "I was distracted."

He was glad it's Taguchi that found him. Of everyone in KAT-TUN, Taguchi was the only one that doesn't seem to have changed his behavior around Nakamaru. Then again, Taguchi has always been the kind to ignore everything around him, something the members usually found annoying but in this case Nakamaru found rather grateful for.

"I can tell," Taguchi smiled. Or smirked, Nakamaru never could tell which one it is when it comes to Taguchi's expressions. "Anyway. Your manager's searching for you."

"Ah, thanks." His manager doesn't know about the whole thing with Akanishi, but because the rest of KAT-TUN was acting weirdly, the guy kept asking about Nakamaru's mental state. Still, dealing with his manager is better then fending off overprotective group mates. Seeing Taguchi's bag on his shoulder, Nakamaru said, "You're off then? See you tomorrow at the shooting."

"Ah, bye." Taguchi walked off, waving offhandedly. "Take care!"

From Taguchi's choice of words, Nakamaru briefly wondered if Taguchi meant more than just what he said. Take care, as in being the way he always seemed to be, or as in taking extra care than, well, before?

Wistful was an odd look on Taguchi. Nakamaru decided to ignore that and treat Taguchi as normal; it's about the only normality he's getting these days.


- - - - - - - - - -

They were professionals. Nakamaru's not sure what kind of professionals they were, but they're professionals, and they've been doing this for more than ten years. A little hindrance like a break-up couldn't stop them from doing their job; what's a break-up compared to showing the world their best image?

It wasn't that Nakamaru acted any differently around Akanishi, but he still preferred to avoid Akanishi. When they did meet, Nakamaru smiled as sweetly as he always did, greeted the other with his usual perfect manners; but when Akanishi always looked back at him with the same blank look, no one could blame Nakamaru for feeling a little hurt and rejected.

He'd known Akanishi ever since he joined the agency. Of course he knew what Akanishi's like - the guy wasn't the type to put up an act, especially not in private. Thank god Akanishi still remembered he had an image to upkeep, because on screen, they were still perfectly in sync.

It looked like Akanishi's also avoiding him, because Nakamaru rarely saw Akanishi around. Akanishi must have been taking lessons from Koichi-kun, because he's almost just as good at disappearing lately. The flamboyant Akanishi Jin, pulling disappearing acts? Two weeks ago, Nakamaru wouldn't have believed it if Akanishi himself told him. Especially if Akanishi was the one telling him that, actually.

It was also weird with Koki asking him out nearly every single day. Not the dating sort - Koki's type has much larger breasts and a much thinner waist. But Koki seemed to think that a night at a club would cheer Nakamaru up, no matter how Nakamaru refused his invitations. How anyone could think night clubs could make Nakamaru feel better was something beyond imagining - he didn't even drink. Alcohol tasted so...bitter. And it always made Nakamaru felt more melodramatic than cheerful and carefree. Why does everyone like drinking so much?

Ueda was much smarter when it comes to pulling Nakamaru outdoors. It helped that Ueda wasn't a party-type either, and when Ueda randomly phoned him for a trip with just the two of them, Nakamaru found that he didn't mind agreeing.


- - - - - - - - - -

"We always thought you knew Akanishi best," Ueda said out of the blue while they were both looking out the window at the mountains.

Nakamaru turned around in surprise, then yelped due to the heat. Moving around fast while being submerged in hot water? Definitely not a good idea. "Huh?"

"But the situation now, I think you didn't know him at all."

This was abnormal. First, since when did the rest of KAT-TUN care about his relationship with Akanishi? Except Kamenashi, who kept threatening Akanishi to take care of him, the others never acted like they cared. Ueda himself only said to not affect KAT-TUN's new balance. Second, heh, Nakamaru's the one that dated Akanishi. He knows parts of Akanishi the fangirls only wish they knew and others wouldn't want to know.

Also, this is Ueda. Who never cared about what happened around him and needed Nakamaru's consolation. Since when did the tables turned?

"Akanishi's the type that believes in fairytale romances, you know." Ueda said, "And he would want a partner just the same."

"I know," Nakamaru sighed once more. "That's why I'm not the right one for him."

"Like I said, you don't understand him at all."

When Nakamaru asked Ueda to elaborate, the guy only splashed playfully at him. It burned, yet Nakamaru couldn't help but revenge - and soon they were playing like a bunch of kids, until an old couple nearby asked them to quite down.

After they finished washing and were back to normal clothing, Nakamaru took a good full look at Ueda. The once imitated rock style was gone, as was the sharp weapon-like associates. The Ueda appearing before him looked much more happier than the one five years ago.

"You've sure matured, huh?" Nakamaru asked, not expecting a response.

"We're friends, but Akanishi's my friend, too." Ueda replied without skipping a beat, "I'm not about to watch two of my friends ignore each other forever. I'm not like Taguchi, who can ignore everything around him. Or Kame, who's way too biased."

Nakamaru blinked. He only knew Ueda to be the type who does one thing without planning any further. It seemed like that was only the way Ueda treated work; when it comes to people, Ueda seemed to hold completely different standards.

"So, this is to make sure we're still friends?"

"Oh, this?" Ueda smiled deviously. "This is to make Akanishi jealous."

Instead of Akanishi, Ueda's the one Nakamaru doesn't understand at all. Nakamaru made extra notes to avoid angering Ueda in the future.


- - - - - - - - - -

Two days after his trip with Ueda, Nakamaru found Akanishi staring him constantly. He wondered if it was Ueda's plan working, or if it was because he had something on his face. Or maybe his nose grew another size? He self-consciously touched his nose. No, couldn't be, it didn't felt any different...

Nakamaru looked up again. Akanishi was still staring at him.

"Erh, is there anything you want?" Nakamaru asked politely.

Akanishi didn't say anything. Nakamaru's sure if it weren't for television, he wouldn't even remember what Akanishi's voice sounded like. Not that he did anything like recording their shows to review their performances that day or anything.

After a few seconds of staring at each other in silence, Akanishi turned around to walk away. Nakamaru quickly caught the other by the shoulder.

"Wait. Come on, it's been a while. Let's go out to eat something. Just for today?"

Akanishi didn't walk away or brush his hand off, but the guy didn't say anything either. This was really getting old - Nakamaru's had enough of being ignored.

"Don't pretend you didn't talk to me just now. We were just fine when the cameras are rolling," Nakamaru said, dropping his hand but keeping eye contact. "Don't you think it's time we got back to being friends?"

Akanishi nodded briefly. Nakamaru took that as a yes.

"Where do you want to go?"

"Italian," Akanishi replied, and before Nakamaru could inwardly celebrate in glee at having Akanishi talk to him in private, Akanishi was already leading the way. "I know a good resturant nearby."


- - - - - - - - - -

Akanishi requested a private booth, and while they had the privacy Nakamaru preferred, it also created an odd atmosphere. Since there were only two of them, the private booth only had a single table fit for two, and it doesn't take a genius to realize that it was designed for couples.

Nakamaru fidgeted uncomfortably. "Ueda said you looked tired," he tried as a topic starter.

"Maybe," Akanishi replied curtly.

"Come on, even Ueda noticed. And the only reason I didn't notice was because you kept avoiding me," Nakamaru explained, not wanting Akanishi to think he didn't care.

The candles on the table flickered. Nakamaru wondered what the waiter thought when he was lighting those for two guys.

"...I can't just act all friendly around you, Nakamaru."

Nakamaru felt something tug at his heart. His throat dried, and he wondered why he had to drag himself into such a hopeless situation again. He smiled sadly, looking into Akanishi's bright eyes hoping to see what the other was thinking. "You shouldn't have agreed to come here with me, then."

He thought back to two years ago. They were such good friends, looking out for each other on their rocky way to debut. What went wrong?

"You still don't get it, do you?" Akanishi downed the glass of water in one gulp before continuing, "I want to be more than just friends, Nakamaru."

The tugging on his heart grew stronger.

"What?" he asked, disbelievingly.

Akanishi leaned onto his chair, looking comfortable as he does everywhere. Nakamaru always did envy the guy's ability to be the center of every world; even his. Akanishi's right hand waved twice, a gesture Nakamaru knew as an unconscious longing for a smoke. If it wasn't Nakamaru on the opposite of the table here, Akanishi probably would have whipped out cigarette - but Nakamaru disliked the lingered smoke of nicotine, and Akanishi seemed to still respect him for that.

That was exactly why Nakamaru's not a good match for Akanishi. Their interests were way too different - Akanishi couldn't be himself with Nakamaru, not truly.

"You heard me. It's your call, now," Akanishi said.

Nakamaru wondered why he found himself drawn to Akanishi even now. Surely it couldn't be his looks, because Nakamaru wasn't the type to care much for outer appearances. Not that Akanishi wasn't easy on the eyes, but it had to something else. His sense of humor? That wasn't enough to change them from friends to, well, more.

Nakamaru sat back, eyes closed. "You know I can't refuse you, Akanishi. So please, stop."

"I'm not joking around, Nakamaru. Never with you."

And another part of Akanishi was his ability to come up with sweet words anytime. Nakamaru wished it doesn't affect him like he still does, but this is Akanishi, who always means what he says because Akanishi can only say what's on his mind. Sure, an hour later he might not remember at all, but right now, right then, Akanishi meant what he said.

"Don't you think you've done enough? You're the one that left once, Akanishi," Nakamaru said, not quite sure he wanted an answer.

"You were the one that was never serious." Akanishi accused, his voice thin and strained. "You took you promise more serious than you took me."

Nakamaru naturally knew what promise Akanishi was talking about. The promise of either of them ending their relationship whenever they wanted with no strings attached, made right at the start when they first dated.

"I tried giving you the space you need," Nakamaru complained.

"Maybe that's not what I need. Maybe all I need to know is how much you love me," Akanishi said.

It wasn't fair of Akanishi to use the love word so easily. It made Nakamaru remember too much, of when they were standing together on a bridge, of when they held hands while rushing through crowds, of sweating wet palms and soft lips.

And looking back, Nakamaru realized what the promise sounded like. Whenever the mood was good, Nakamaru always focused on the promise, not wanting to be surprised by Akanishi; when he should have been at his most passionate, Nakamaru withdrew. He hadn't noticed at the time, but Ueda was right - he doesn't know Akanishi at all, not if he didn't know just how much passion Akanishi needs. And with a partner always expecting to break up anytime - well, that had to hurt.

Akanishi had already hurt him back though. Nakamaru decided that they're even.

"...You're serious?" he asked simply.

"No promises this time. Just you and me," Akanishi explained.

Nakamaru felt a bubbly happiness bursting out of him. This time, though, he was glad that Akanishi was the one that could bring such a reaction out of him, and it was surprising how much a small difference could change his attitude.

He smiled, "And some food?"

Akanishi smiled back at him. Now that the problem was resolved, things were so easy between them - they've always been this way, if only they were more honest with themselves. No, Nakamaru was the only one untruthful to himself, because Akanishi always knew what he wanted and went straight for it.

"Yeah, let's order, I'm hungry!" Akanishi said loudly, flipping through the menu eagerly.

Nakamaru did the same, then suddenly paused when a thought struck him. "This a date, then?" he asked, wanting to make sure.

"What do you think?" Akanishi asked back, still busy with the menu.

"Yeah, definitely a date," Nakamaru laughed out.

"Good."


- - - - - - - - - -

And somehow, they only broke up for three weeks, though Akanishi said he managed to scrap up four dates in total. Nakamaru hit him on the head four (plus more) times for revenge, even though it wasn't technically cheating.

Nothing else changed. Kamenashi continued to look at them oddly, Taguchi stopped looking wistful, Koki didn't ask him out as much, and Ueda doesn't pop up the wise guy image again.

It was like a rainstorm passed by.